


Masquerade

by Nisra



Category: overwatch
Genre: Depression, F/M, University AU, implied suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 07:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11436291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisra/pseuds/Nisra
Summary: At 9:30 pm in the pitch black it’s awfully hard to discern the differences in the way you smile, the way your eyes stay entirely neutral instead of scrunching up in glee or the way your smile lines don’t show.Angela Ziegler, 20, Medical student at Zurich University, holding herself together.





	Masquerade

**Author's Note:**

> Mainly just a ramble I wrote at 5AM while I was coping with my depression. I can continue if anyone really wants but otherwise this is it. Comment if you want more I guess. AU is a university AU- Mercy is a Med. Major, Amelie is an art student, Genji is probably doing some sort of sports shit, Mccree is failing some random course idk. yes they're all in switzerland i didnt think about that before writing and i dont care enough to edit it, it's not plot important.

“Ay, Ang, you up for Saturday still? I know it’s been a long week for you so..”

“Of course! I’m always up for a nice meal with my friends.”

At 9:30 pm in the pitch black it’s awfully hard to discern the differences in the way you smile, the way your eyes stay entirely neutral instead of scrunching up in glee or the way your smile lines don’t show.

“Alright sounds good! See ya Saturday- don’t be late y’hear?”

“No problem, Jesse, I’ll be there.”

Angela Ziegler, 20, Medical student at Zurich University, holding herself together.

Jesse gave a gentle tip of his head as a goodbye before turning on his heels and heading for the cab parked just outside the small apartment complex he’d walked Angela back to, an aged building but fit for the poor students who resided inside. Her heels clicked on the concrete as she stepped into the doorway, putting her buildings pin into the small keypad before shoving the door to allow herself in.

Can’t let up yet.

Almost as if timed, the leftmost door swung open and out stepped a rather tired looking Amelie, cigarettes in hand. “Evening Angela- little late for you is it not?” She quipped, offering a small smile to the Swiss. “Oh, good evening. Yeah, haha, it was a special occasion- Jesse’s birthday so we went to see a movie.”

“I thought you said you didn’t have a thing for him?”

“O-oh I don’t! He’s just a friend, you know?” Amelie teased her hair through her fingers, throwing Angela a questionable gaze “Friends don’t go on solo dates with other friends to the movies.” Before chuckling and heading out the door for a smoke, as normal. While it was only a friendly jest, Angela bit her lip, lowering her gaze to the floor before lifting herself up the stairs to her 3rd floor apartment. She daintily turned the key in the lock and pushed the door quietly before slamming it behind her. Carefully, she set down her bag and shoes by the door for tomorrow, dragging her feet to the bathroom. The blonde swallowed softly, slowly raising her eyes to the mirror above her sink, carefully taking her own form in, her mouth twitching into a slight frown. Retrieving her makeup wipes, she began to remove her faked features one at a time- her dark eyebags shining through, her various wrinkles and stress lines creating what felt like cuts in her face, the way her natural lips looked so chapped and dry. Once the makeup was gone, she did not look in the mirror any longer.

The walk to her room felt like a slog through a trench, her own body weighing on her like a ton of bricks. It had been a couple of hours that had felt like this but only now did she allow it to consume her as she collapsed onto her bed, crawling into the covers and grabbing onto her pillow. Angela was finally allowed to let herself rest. Angela was not allowed to rest. The quiet of the room ate away at her as she stared at her backboard, her breathing a little more restrained than normal. She was alone at last. She was alone again.

Her day had been nice; a movie and a bite to eat with Jesse, and she had the weekend to look forward to, a night out the town with her friends. The semester was over so the workload was not a problem, neither was the stress of a failing grade. She had passed her assessments with flying colours, close to the top of the class- her grip on her pillow tightened- close. Close. She was not top of the class. Her teeth grit together and she shuffled uncomfortably as though a weight had shifted awkwardly on top of her. Why wasn’t she top of the class? She’d studied well and revised for hours prior to the exam. She’d handed in all her assignments early and received excellent praise for her work. But it wasn’t enough to earn her the spot at the top. Why.

No, that’s irrelevant, the semester is over she could always make the grade up at a later date.

She lifted a hand to rub her eyes, a soft ring of red forming around the outside as she sniffed into her pillow.

It was about her friends- think about today, she had a really nice time. Jesse was nice. Amelie was just joking around about it, she was sure there was no way her and Jesse would ever date, they were just close…wait. If Amelie thought that, Jesse could as well, right? Does that mean she’s leading him on? Does he hate her for it? No, there’s no way, he wouldn’t invite her out on Saturday if that were true. Angela shuffled again, frowning- Well I guess he could just to keep up appearances, it’d be weird if he just stopped talking to her. In that case what if he does want to but just can’t? No there’s…no way. Her breathing ragged a little as she pulled her covers further over herself like a protective shield.

It was one of those nights, huh?

Typical- a spoilt brat like herself would, of course, have nights like this. As the tears began to pour from her eyes, she sat up, cuddling her pillow into herself. Of course she’d be like this. Not Amelie- addicted to cigarettes and having to stay up multiple nights to cram her art projects or Jesse who’d been through losing family members left right and center and was failing his course. No. It was Angela Ziegler- the girl with everything always complaining like she had nothing. Her teeth slid off of each other before she bit back a cry, typical. At least if she was going to be miserable she would have the decency to be quiet about it- no one else had to hear her selfish misery. No one had to deal with her. Except her.

Taking deep breaths, she began attempting to quiet the storm- her feelings were valid, it’s okay for her to be upset. She has nothing wrong with her life and is wallowing in her own self pity but that’s okay. She’s living a lavish life of luxury with little to no complications but…that’s okay.

It’s not okay.

Her hands snapped to her head as she curled up on her bed, clutching at her hair as her silent suffering turned to quiet cries, her own thoughts overwhelming her ability to tell how loud she was. Drowning herself out was easy, drowning her thoughts out was not. The blonde retched a little as her cries grew in volume, her hands shaking as she frantically pulled on her hair, trying to reason with herself mentally, falling apart at the seams- she’s allowed to be sad except she’s not but she is and that’s okay but it’s really not and- and- and-

And it’s another one of those nights.

Her gaze flicked to her bedside cabinate, her entire frame shaking as she blubbered, thinking about her next move very carefully. She had a fair amount of medicine for pain and allergies as well as a few bottles of alcohol she’d been saving for a special occasion. There must be something she could do. There was always the option.

She hadn’t even realized she had turned from crying to full on bawling.

She hadn’t realized until her door let out a buzz to alert her of someone outside.

Snapping her attention to where the door was in relation to herself, she peeled herself off her tear stained pillow, placing it neatly on the bed before tip-toeing towards the hall and back into the bathroom. She’d done this before, nothing new. She took a cloth and some cold water and dabbed under her eyes to alleviate redness and swelling and she began controlling her breathing once more. She daren’t look in the mirror.

Reaching the door, she slid it open with a smile, “Hello?”

“Hey, Angela-“ She was greeted by a familiar mop of green hair and a heavy eastern accent “are you doing okay? The floors are really thin and I um- I heard…yelling?”

“I appreciate the concern, but everything is okay! I just had a video playing too loudly is all, some loud music I had sent to me, haha.” Her mouth twitched into a cold smile as she spoke, fabricating whatever lie she could get away with. She forgot about the ceilings. Idiot.

“Oh I never took you for the type to enjoy heavier music tastes.”

“I’m not too fond of it, just listening for a friend.” Genji’s brows furrowed.

“Are you sure? It didn’t really sound like music, more like crying…”

“No, I assure you it was music.”

“Angela…” His tone deepened as his eyes scanned her face, looking for signs of...something? He wasn’t sure but something seemed off.

Their eyes never met.

“Please, Genji, it’s late and I’m sure we both need to sleep. You should just head back home. Everything is okay, I promise. It’s always okay.” Her chest tightened but she did not break form. It had been years since anyone had spoken to her about anything than themselves and she was not about to force her silly nonexistent problems onto this boy. No, that was not her place. She was to listen and provide assistance, not expect it.

He, however, was not unaware. The ceilings were very thin, he had just never said anything.

“I know you were crying. Please, talk to me. This isn’t the first time, I know it isn’t.” She bit her lip hard and took a step back, her eyes widening slightly, “What do you mean not the first time?”

“I have heard you upset before. I’m not sure what’s happening but I want to offer you my help-“

Without even thinking she slammed the door in his face, turning her back and slumping at the foot of the frame, her composure breaking. No, she hadn’t been this careless, she was sure she’d been quiet. What a fucking moron.

Angela began hyperventilating, grasping at her hair once more as Genji frantically knocked on her door with pleads to talk to him, her whimpering growing into wails- she couldn’t face him, she couldn’t let anyone in. No, she could NOT let anyone in. She had to do something, though, he’d likely wait or call someone if she didn’t but she only had one option and it was to talk to him but that wasn’t what she wanted that wasn’t what-

No, she has another option.

She always has another option.


End file.
